Called To Be… Vague?

.     When I became a Christian, I changed my whole plan. Or rather, I entirely let go of having any plan. In fact, I let go of everything. I wanted to depend on God day-by-day and not worry about where He was leading. It was the craziest thing I’d ever done in my short life, and completely necessary for my growth at that time in my faith. I was a new person! Now granted, my old plan wasn’t too hard to let go of: attend CU Boulder, work with NORML when I graduate, marry a gentle, intelligent pothead and have some kids, then grow old smoking spliffs on our porch together. Not joking, these were my aspirations. But at least I had a goal, right? My first year as a Christian was my Senior year of high school, when I had to make all sorts of decisions about my future. And I had no plan, no goal, no path, but to follow Christ.

.     I can say that it was an adventure, but I cannot say that it made any sense. So I wasn’t depending on myself any more, but what exactly was I doing? Basically just stumbling around in the dark and praying a lot that it would makes sense soon. When people asked what I was going to pursue in my future, all I could say was “whatever God has planned for me”. (They were all probably like, “What a nice, religious way to say ‘I have no fricking idea and I forgot to make a goal for my life’.”) A lot of it was fear that I’d plan the wrong thing and then God would have something completely different in mind and I would have spent my life outside of God’s will. So basically, I was afraid to be bold and make moves toward what I really desired. I mean, with all my heart I wanted what God wanted but I didn’t know what that meant yet so I just had to be still and wait… right?

.     It always seemed so vague to me. Waiting for him to point me toward my purpose on this Earth, hoping his voice would come booming from the sky telling me what to major in or what mission trip to go on or whatever. Now, about 21 months after giving my life to Christ, I finally realized that He already gives us the the most specific, detailed path we could ever follow: the Bible! And he doesn’t leave us alone to interpret it, He walks with us and He even lets us ask Him personally when we have questions. Following Christ is not vague in any sense of the word.  He has given us commands and instructions and challenges to live out and those are not easy. You cannot simply check off all the boxes of being a good and faithful servant and then go get a “real job”. The things that are so valuable in the world are really only side-projects for a Christian: things that give us importunity to grow and witness and move toward what we’re actually here to do. My guiding aspiration is to strive daily to be the woman of God He created me to be. It has little-to-nothing to do with my career or school choices. It has everything to do with reading His word, listening to His voice and consistently following His commands. That alone should consume the entirety of our time here. And guys, did I mention that it’s really, really challenging? And it’s also the only truly fulfilling thing we can do with our lives? Whoever says obeying God is boring and depressing is doing something very wrong.

.    The point is that God is our prize. Our endgame. Our greatest pursuit. Not the things He gives us, or the places He leads us. Just Him. The fact that He allows us to just sit at His feet and walk with Him daily. Me: a dirty, worthless sinner! It’s so easy for the world to suck us in and tell us we have to know exactly what we want and where we’re going and who and why and how much money… Well, I know what I’m working toward and where my heart is: in the one thing that is eternal.

We are not, in fact, called to be vague. And with the strength, peace, and understanding my Savior gives me, I will follow His intricate, difficult, beautiful path.

Fear not. Seek first the kingdom of God. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind. Pray without ceasing. Clothe the poor. Feed the hungry. Go and make disciples of all nations. Do not worry.  Be kind. Ask, seek, knock. Live quietly, mind your own business, and work with your own hands. Be still and know that He is God. Deny yourself and take up your cross.  Honor marriage.  Be faithful. Be a servant. Do not work for food that spoils. Love each other. Remain in Me. Be thankful in all circumstances. Be patient. Rejoice . Repent.  Shine. Witness. Be humble. Carry each others burdens. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. Be united. Submit to one another. Keep your word. Love your enemies…
Follow Me.

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